


Mommy's Still Here. Ok?

by chloeyo



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Parent-Child Relationship, Philinda - Freeform, Philinda Child, daughter - Freeform, sad but happy, single dad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-02
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-03 17:52:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8724055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chloeyo/pseuds/chloeyo
Summary: Five months after the death of SHIELD agent, Melinda May, her husband Phil Coulson has a heart to heart with their four year old daughter when she says she misses her Mom. For anyone who loves the idea of Coulson as a dad.





	1. Chapter 1

Little Melinda May Coulson had been quiet all night. It wasn’t anything unusual for her, she was a quiet little girl, a quality she got from her mom. But something about her quietness was different that night, everyone could tell; especially her dad. 

He repeatedly asked her if anything was wrong but she insisted she was ok. Mellie was the strongest four year old around. May used to do the exact same thing. When she did do that he knew that she would talk when she was ready, so he figured Mellie would do the same. Which she did.

“Good night, little one.”, Coulson said as he tucked her into her superhero decorated toddler bed.

“Night, daddy.”, he smiled and leant down to kiss the top of her head.

Coulson then got into his bed. They shared a bunk in the Playground. It was temporary, with everything that was going on at the time he never really found time  
to go apartment hunting. 

He reached to turn of the light, but he was stopped.

“Daddy, wait.”

“You alright, Mellie?”

She avoided eye contact and fiddled with the ears of her teddy bear.

“Yeah it's just um…”, there were tears in her eyes at this point, “I miss mommy, Daddy.”

It had been about five months since the accident. Five months since a single mistake by some dumbass took Melinda May away from her husband and daughter. It was a difficult time for the two. Coulson had to learn rather quickly how to be a single, secret agent dad. The team was there for the two of them, always offering to cook or babysit. It was helpful. But all Coulson wanted was to have May back. Every once in awhile Mellie would ask for her mommy to braid her hair the way she likes it. It broke his heart when he had to remind her why mommy couldn’t do her hair anymore. In the past few weeks or so he noticed a change in her behavior whenever they did something they used to do with May. She was starting to get that mom wasn’t coming home. And it made her sad.  
She needed to talk, he needed to let her know she wasn't alone in this and it doesn't have to be scary. 

He gave her a smile and waved for her to come over to him. She got out of her bed and walked over to the side of his bed, rubbing her eyes and holding her teddy. He reached under her arms and lifted her onto his lap. 

“Come here, you.” 

She rested her head on his chest as he leaned back against the headboard and wrapped his arms around her tiny body.

“Why didn't you say anything earlier at dinner? All your aunts and uncles were worried about you.”

“I don't know. I'm sorry.”

There was so much of her mother in her. 

“You don't have to say sorry, Mellie.”, he said before placing a kiss on top of her head. “I miss mommy too. Everyone does. Aunt Daisy, Auntie Jem, Uncle Fitz, even big, strong uncle Mackie.”

“Really?”

“Definitely.”, his voice was soft, gentle, just what Mellie needed. “I miss mommy everyday. She was my best friend. I loved her. I miss talking to her, watching her fight, I even miss the way she used to kick my butt in the gym. I miss watching you two be together. Seeing her feed you, seeing her braid your hair, seeing her bring you on the ice, seeing her bring you in the cockpit of a quinjet. I miss all of it.” He could feel her tears through his t shirt. She was really feeling it. “Hey.”, he said sitting her up facing him. “Mommy’s not gone. Ok? She's still here with us.”, he said wiping a few tears off of her face. 

“Where?”

“Oh my goodness, everywhere! Look around. She's still here.”, he took her bear from her arms. “Like this. She bought you this on her first mission after you were born. And these,” he reached over for a pair of glasses from the drawer, “Uncle Fitz made these to help mommy and her team fight the bad guys. That lei you have hanging over your bed is from the trip she took us on to Hawaii. This bracelet on your wrist? She wore one just like it.”

Mellie pointed to the SHIELD logo above the door. “Mommy was a SHIELD agent!”

“Yeah! There you go.”, A smile grew on her face. “But you know all this stuff is gonna come and go. That's just how life is. But you know how I know Mommy's never gonna be gone forever?”

“How?”

“You. You have her name, Melinda. Melinda May Coulson. Grandpa used to call her Mellie, did you know that?”

“No… really?”

“Yeah. And look.” He said pulling out his phone and opening it to the camera roll. “You look like her too!”

Seeing her mom’s face made Mellie smile. It warmed Coulson's heart. 

“You and I are gonna miss Mommy sometimes. And that's ok. She misses us too. But we'll see her again. In the meantime just remember that she is watching over you, Mellie. She and I will always be with you. Ok?”

“Ok daddy.”

“That's my girl.” she smiled and jumped on him giving him a tight hug. “You wanna sleep here tonight, little one?”

“Yes please.”

“Alright.”, she shuffled under the covers and he held her. 

“I love you daddy.”, Mellie said half asleep. 

“I love you, Melinda.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fluff at the end!!

Mellie was obsessed with Daisy. She looked up to her, amazed at every little thing. It was expected. She used to do that to May. But after she died, Mellie knew Daisy had some sort of mother daughter relationship with her so Mellie stuck to her. Daisy didn’t mind at all. She loved it actually. Even though Mellie called her Aunt Daisy, Daisy still thought of her as a little sister. She also felt it was the least she could do for May for all she has done for her.

They felt a natural connection with each other. Always feeding off of each other’s energy. Coulson loved that his daughter and his pretty-much-daughter get along this way. It was nice to know that Mellie had Daisy to look out for her and Daisy had Mellie to look out for her.

 

Daisy had been on injured reserve after her last mission. Nothing serious, just a simple arm contusion. About four years ago it would have bummed her out to be stuck on base. But it wasn’t four years ago, Daisy didn’t mind staying behind and hanging out with her mini-me. 

They spent the day in her bunk-- Mellie’s favorite place. There was virtually every comfort food, a TV capable of playing movie in the world, and enough blankets to build a giant fort. They had fun together. 

By night time the two of them had gone through countless bags of M&M’s and Cheetos, watched Disney princess movies, and played a few pretty intense games of Just Dance. They ended the night when Mellie fell asleep with her head on Daisy’s lap during her favorite movie, Mulan.

We’re back. Is she with you?, Daisy read on her phone.

Yeah., she typed, Come on over.

A few minutes later Coulson knocked and entered the room.

“Is she asleep?”

“Yeah. I can’t believe she fell asleep while Mulan was playing. It’s her favorite.”

“Well, maybe that’s because that’s what happens when you give a kid too much sugar? They crash.”, Coulson said taking a seat at the end of the bed.

“Sorry. I have to earn my favorite Aunt card somehow.”

“I don’t think it’s the candy that makes her like you so much. She sees May in you.”

“Well, that’s fitting-- I love her so much because has so much of May in her too. You know, with just the right amount of you.”

They laughed for a little, but it faded quickly when they started to think about May.

“How are you doing with that, by the way? It’s been a couple months since you’ve talked to me about how you feel with May being gone.”

“I’m alright… hanging in there. It just gets a little hard when Mellie tells me she’s missing her too.”

“Oh yeah. She told me about that talk you guys had the other day. You did a good job. She’s coping a lot better, I can see it.”

“That helps a lot. Knowing that she’s getting better. But for me it’s gonna be a lot harder. I’m trying to be strong, to-- to move on. But I miss her so damn much. I never thought I would have to live like this, in a world without her in it. Now that reality has been placed in front of me and I don’t know if I can accept it. I don’t know if it’s the fact that both of us have come back from the dead before or the fact that I’m just too stubborn, but I can’t bring myself to believe that she’s never coming back. May was just such a big part of my life- you have no idea. I don’t know how I’m ever gonna fill that hole she left.”

This was a side of Coulson that Daisy had rarely ever seen. He doesn’t normally let down his guard that way. But she was glad he did.

“I know a little something about that. Lincoln and I may not have known each other as long as you two but I know that I did love him. When I was away being Quake, I thought a lot about how he shouldn’t have died and that it really was my fault. But I think I just missed him, and I pushed people away because of it. But May, she told me that that doesn’t work. But I did it anyway and I got hurt. So, listen to May. Keep us close.”

A smile broke out of his face.

“Thanks.”

“I’ve been missing her a lot recently. The new recruits came in last week.”

“Oh yeah. You two would haze them.”

“That was the best. I tried to carry on the tradition, but despite my leather jacket and quake powers-- I’m not as intimidating as her.”

“No, you’re not. Trust me. She was pretty intimidating, why do you think it took me decades to ask her out?”

They laughed and Mellie started to stir under the sheets. Daisy looked down and saw that she wasn’t asleep anymore, just pretending.

“She’s awake.”, Daisy mouthed to Coulson. 

Mellie was completely covered by blankets and she couldn’t stop moving. 

“Hmm… Daisy, have you seen Mellie?”

“No. No I haven’t Coulson. Where do you think she is?”

“I have no idea but…”, Mellie moved again. “Oh my goodness what is this? Daisy, there’s something moving under your blanket! I’ve never seen anything like this   
before we’re gonna have to report this to SHIELD right away.”

“Yeah this is Agent Daisy Johnson with SHIELD and we got a 098 over here. Possible alien in a blanket.”, she said into her imaginary comms. “What do you think they’re gonna do with it?”, she asked Coulson.

“I don’t know, Daisy, they’re probably gonna give it to Mace.” 

“NO NO NO NOT THE DIRECTOR!!!”, Mellie yelled as she popped out from under the blankets and onto her dad.

“There you are, little one! I missed you today.”, he said placing a kiss on top of her head. Daisy watched with a giant smile on her face. “Did you have fun with Aunt Daisy?”

“Mhm!”

“Good. Are you tired? Should we head to bed?”

“Yeah. But after this. Mulan’s about to save China. Let’s finish it.”

“Alright.”

The three of them were asleep within five minutes.


	3. A Look to the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coulson remember's one of his favorite memories of him and his two girls.

Coulson watched as May rocked their daughter to sleep. Despite all of her previous doubts and concerns, May was a natural at motherhood.

 

Mellie was 9 months old at the time and couldn't be any cuter in the eyes of her parents and everyone else on the base. She was so much like her mother. Rarely fussy, had on a serious face most of the time, and when she smiled it was the most beautiful sight in the world.

May gently set Mellie down in her crib and joined Phil on their bed. He couldn't take his eyes off of her.

“Hi?”

“Hi.”, he said grabbing her hand.

“You alright?”

“Of course. Why would you ask such a thing?”

She scooted closer to him so that they were face to face 6 inches away.

“Because you're staring at me like an idiot.”, he let out a little laugh and swung his head breaking eye contact. She redirected his face to her by his chin. “A cute idiot.”

“Sorry. You're just the most beautiful thing in the world. Even more when you’re being the best mother in the world. I can't believe you love me back. I'm so lucky.”

His stupid smile got the best of her. She had to kiss him.

“So… so lucky.”, he repeated.

Their heads rested on their pillows as they did some ‘eye talking’. After a while she patted his cheek and turned out the lights.

When she turned herself to the other side he took it as a que to be the big spoon. She held on to his big strong arms and rested her lips on them.

“It's the last week of your maternity leave.”, he whispered to her ear.

“Don't remind me.”

“I thought you'd be a _little_ excited. You love being in the field. It's been over a year. You were pretty disappointed when Simmons told you it was time to take a break.”

“I was disappointed. But I didn't know Mellie yet. I wasn't ready to be a mom. And now I'm way past that and it's gonna be hard to leave her.”

She felt his scoff on her ear.

“You what else is gonna be hard?”

“What's that?”, he asked.

“Not working with you. Tell me again why we can't be in the field together?”

He flipped her around to face him.

“I told you. I don't wanna risk it. Mellie needs parents. If not both, at least one- not none.”, he turned serious but she was still smiling. “I’d actually prefer you didn't go out at all.”, that's how you trigger the death glare. “But I know that's not a possibility. This is the next best thing.”

“I know. I get where you're coming from, trust me. Our work is dangerous.”

“Maybe we should just retire.”, she raised an eyebrow at him. “SHIELD’s retirement plan takes care of us for the rest of our lives.”

“As fun as that sounds, I don't think SHIELD is ready to go on without us-- yet. The world still needs saving.”

“That’s what the Avengers are for.”

“Still. We aren't done yet. You know that.”

“I do.”, he said putting his hand behind her ear. She put hers on top of his. “One more week of guaranteed safety for my girls. Let's do something.”

“Do something? Like what.”

“I don't know, something big. Let's go somewhere. A trip.”

She nodded as the she came to agreement with the idea.

“Ok, where should we should go?”

“Hawaii. You love Hawaii. Let's show it to Mellie.”

“Ok… but are you gonna be ok? Hawaii is an awful lot like Tahiti.”, he didn't so much smile at the joke she made, but the smug face she made after it. “So that's it? Tomorrow morning we take a quinjet out to Hawaii?”

“Yup.”

“Which island?”, she asked.

“Surprise me.”

 

May landed the quinjet in one of SHIELD’s special landing grounds. They had on on virtually every land mass in the world. When she touched down and turned off all the controls, she looked behind her to find her baby sleeping on the stomach of her also sleeping father. The two were knocked out. It was adorable.

May tried to quietly walk around them, but Mellie was awoken by her metal footsteps. Turns out Coulson was a heavier sleeper.

May could see Mellie’s expression slowly turning into a cry.

“ _Shh shh shh_.”, May said picking her up before Mellie could make a sound. Coulson was really out. He didn't even move when May had to reach under his arm to take Mellie.

May set down Mellie in her little car/quinjet seat and pulled out a little hula girl outfit from her bag.

“Aunt Daisy got you this.”, she said holding it up so Mellie could see it. “She said you can be like the shaking one on her dashboard. How does that sound?”  
In response Mellie softly cooed along with a smile.

“Alrighty, let's get you in it then.”

The outfit was given when Mellie was born and it was way too big for her at the time. May put it on her now and it was just right. Like Daisy knew they'd be going on a trip to Hawaii when Mellie was this big.

“Look at you, Mellie! So pretty!”, May picked her up and gave her multiple kisses all over her head. “Do you wanna show daddy? Yeah?”, she set her down on the ground and faced her in the direction of her still sleeping father. “Go get him baby.”

Mellie crawled across the quinjet floor to Coulson. She looked at him before sticking her fingers all over his face. She let out a few giggles when he would flinch after she touched a certain area.

His mind had been trained in the last nine months. Sleep was not something to take for granted. The only thing he had to wake up for was Mellie. Only the sound of her cry or laugh or any noise that came out of her mouth could wake him up. That's why he instantly woke up when the giggles reached his ears. When he realized that Mellie was fine and May had been watching her, he sat up holding Mellie in front of him.

“Aww, look at my little island girl.”, he held her in front of him before pulling her into also shower her with kisses. “Mmwah! Ugh too much pretty going on here.”

May stood up to reveal she was wearing a bikini with a loose, hole decorated covering over it, and a pretty flower clip on the left side of her hair.

“Ok, _way_ too much pretty going on here.”

She smiled and tossed a pair of swim trunks over his head. When he removed them, she punched the button the lower the ramp of the jet.

“Hurry up and put those on, Phil. Oahu’s waiting.”

He stood up to walk over to her with Mellie on his side.

“Oahu. Nice choice.”

“Thank you.”, she said with a smirky grin on her face.

He leaned down and kissed her. They got lost in each other for a second. May heard Mellie and remembered she was still in Coulson's arms. She slowly pulled away smiling and took Mellie’s hand.

“Sorry hula girl! We didn't forget about you.” Mellie's slight frown faded when her mom talked to her. “Say cheese, you two!”, May said pulling out her phone and  
holding it up at them. “Aunt Daisy's gonna wanna see this.”

“Daisy-- I should have known she bought this. It's like that shaking doll she keeps with her.”

“Yup. But I think we have a prettier hula girl right here.”

“We sure do.”

The open quinjet stood at the top of a mountain overlooking the ocean. With it being a SHIELD landing spot, there was no one around for miles. There was water  
as far as the eye could see and it was beautiful. Mellie was captivated.

“You like that, Mellie?”, Coulson said looking down at the look of amazement she had on her face.

“Of course she does. She spends most of her time in a dark, underground base.”

“True.”, they laughed. He opened his free arm and put it around her shoulder. She held his hand and rested her head on his chest. With Mellie in one arm and  
May the other plus the breathtaking view, he was truly in paradise.

“I could stay here forever. Just the three of us.”, he whispered onto the top of her head.

“We have a week.”

“I'll take it.”

* * *

 

“Coulson.”, Daisy said as the two of them sat undercover in her van. “Coulson!”

He snapped out of it when he realized he had been staring at the shaking hula girl on the dashboard.

“What?”

“Where'd you go? You kinda spaced out for a while there.”

He turned his head to see that she had a worried look on her face and turned back to the doll. Daisy caught on that it had something to do with May.

“It's the doll, right? It reminds you of that trip?”, she was so forward.

“Yeah.”, he said taking his eyes off of it, looking down at his hands and then up at her. “I'm fine.”

She looked at him a little longer to make sure he actually was, but there was something unconvincing on his expression. But he was making the effort to hide it, meaning he wasn't in the mood to talk about it.

“I uhh… I think we’re done here for today. Let's head back to base, make some dinner. I think Mellie could use some of your famous grilled cheese sandwiches.”

They rode back to the base somewhat quietly. Daisy knew Coulson would let her know if it was a big deal, so she didn't press. She filled his silence with random  
gossip stories about Fitz and Simmons and Mack and Yoyo. He would smile and make the occasional slick comment. That’s how Daisy knew he was ok.

The van pulled up to the base and drove around the hanger to the end of the Zephyr. Coulson looked out of his window and saw Mack teaching Mellie how to repair a motorcycle.

“Well, I’m beat. Quick nap outta do it.”, Daisy said getting out of the van and swiping her badge to open the doors. “Get those sandwiches goin’, Coulson.”

“You got it, Daisy.”,he said softly.

He got out of the van, walked up the ramp of the Zephyr and leant against the big black SUV. Mellie was too focused on Uncle Mack’s wrench movements to notice her dad was there. Coulson didn’t mind. He just wanted to watch his little girl. She looked even more little standing next to Mack who was still taller than  
her when he was kneeling down.

“Ok Mellie, we’re almost done. Just tighten that bolt right there.”, Mack said handing her the tool.

“That one?”

“Yeah. Nice and tight.”

She tightened the bolt with determination and stood back up with a big smile on her face.

“Yay! All done!”

“That’s what I’m talking about!”, Mack said raising his hand for a high five. Mellie slapped his hand with all her strength and it made her laugh. She caught a  
glance of a familiar looking man in the corner of her eye.

“Daddy!”

He squatted down to her level and she ran into his arms. With their faces tucked into each other’s necks he picked her up slowly. He was only gone for six hours that day, but his mind wandered back to that trip and the day felt a lot longer. He needed her in his arms more than anything at the time.

“You’ve been helping Uncle Mack?”

She leant back so she could look into his eyes.

“Yeah, we fixed the motorcycle.”

“Cool. He didn’t touch Lola did he?”

“No! I didn’t let him.”

Mack stood up from behind the motorcycle wiping off his hands.

“No, she didn’t.”

“That’s my girl.”, he gave her a big kiss on the cheek. “You wanna help me make grilled cheese for Aunt Daisy?”

“Mhm!”

“Let’s go.”

He carried her down the ramp after thanking Mack for watching her.

They walked down the hall to the kitchen while Mellie went on and on about her day. When they finally got to the kitchen he set her down on the island and started getting out the ingredients. He put a bowl of cheese next to her and went to get the bread. When he turned back to the island he caught her slipping some cheese into her mouth.

“Trying to be sneaky there, little one?”

“Maybe.”, she giggled and looked down at the ground.

It was then when he noticed it. There was a flower clip in her hair. Not just any flower clip, but the exact flower clip May was wearing when they first landed in Hawaii.

“You got a flower in your hair there, Mellie?”

“Yeah, daddy. I found it in my box when Auntie Jem was dressing me this morning.”

‘What are the odds?’, he thought. If May was looking down on them, she sure was doing a good job of letting them know she was.

“Daddy are you ok?”

She caught him staring at how much she looked like May did with that flower in her hair.

“Yeah, you just… look so pretty like that.”


	4. That Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day she died was very eventful

He got in 3:00 Sunday morning. The base was quiet. Halls were empty, lab was quiet, and the gym was closed. There was no one. Fitz and Simmons were at home, Mack and Yoyo were probably in their bunk, and Daisy was definitely asleep. He didn't mind, there were only two   
people he needed to see right then. 

He slowly opened the door to minimize the creaking. He found the little bed empty, but his bed, their bed, was plenty occupied. Doing his best to not disturb the little one, he slid in fitting like a puzzle piece. His arm spanned over the both of them and his lips dropped kisses on the back of May’s neck. 

“You're back.”, she said softly with him still going at her neck. “It's been forever.”

“Eighteen days.”, he added. “Longer than forever.”

Their voices were soft, gentle, at the level they knew Mellie could stay asleep at. 

“I missed you two. Like crazy. I'm tired.”

“Sleep. You need it.”, she kissed his arm and nestled her head under his. 

Mellie wasn't awake, but Coulson knew she could sense he was there now. She turned over to   
face her mom and latched her finger around one of his fingers that were resting on her cheek. 

 

In the morning Coulson opened to eyes to find a smiling toddler on his stomach staring at him. 

“G'morning daddy.”

“Morning, Mellie.”, he said pulling her up for a kiss on the forehead. He looked around the room and noticed that May wasn't there. “Where’d mommy go?”

Just as Mellie was about to shrug, May walked through the door. 

“Oh good you're awake. I thought maybe you could use some of this?”, she said pulling a bag of IHOP from behind her back. 

“Pancakes!”, Mellie said jumping off the bed and hugging May at the knees. “Thanks mommy!”

“Morning, little one. You’ve been keeping daddy company?”

“Mhm.” 

“Good girl.”

“You read my mind. I’m so sick of that crap-- I mean stuff we ate on the Zephyr.”

Mellie started taking the boxes out of the bag and setting them on the table. Coulson got up from the bed and gave May a thank you/I missed you kiss. 

“Mellie, honey, eat that quick ok? We gotta drop you off at school soon.”

“Pre-school, Mommy. Preschool.”, Mellie corrected. 

“Right. Just eat your pancakes.”

She looked over to see that Coulson had a big smile on his face. 

“She gets that from you. You know that, right?”

“Is that a bad thing?”, he asked teasingly. 

“Shut up and eat your food.”, she said softly slapping his cheek. 

 

“Yeesh.”, Coulson sighed when he got in the passenger seat of the SUV. “Mellie's teacher, she's a little too… what’s the word….”

“Peppy? Enthusiastic? Annoying? Yeah I know. Why do you think I made you go in alone?”

“Thank you for that.”

She pulled out of the parking lot and headed back to the base. They both had the next week off, but with Mellie in preschool they really didn't want to go on a vacation or anything like that. So they laid low and stayed on base. 

The base itself was quieter than normal. Everyone was either away on mission or vacation. And the director was cooped up in his office. 

Coulson and May preferred it his way. It was like when they first got the place up and running. 

“So what did you have in mind for today.”

“I'm glad you asked, Phil.”, she said getting up from the bed and giving him a mischievous smile. 

She reached into her gym bag and pulled out two pairs of sparring gloves. “We’re hitting the matts. Like the old days.”

He got up and walked around the bed to her. He took a pair from her hands and stared at them. 

“Not exactly like the old days. You do know I have a bionic hand right? I might actually have a shot against you.”

Their bodies were inches apart. He looked down at her and she looked up at him, both with cheeky grins.

“Don't get your hopes up. I know more about that hand than you do.”

“Oh do you, now.”

“Yeah, I do.”

Still smiling, he slowly moved in to kiss her. When he was centimeters away, May quickly took a   
jab at his gut. 

“Oof.”

She walked out into the hallway and stopped at the door. 

“Gym now. Play later.”

“Yes ma’am.”

 

Despite their ages, the two were still quite intense when it came to hand-to-hand combat. The punches, kicks, and flips had years and years of experience behind them. They were the type of agents all of the young cadets hope to be one day, but only one in a thousand would come anywhere close. You just couldn't replicate what they had going. They were two of a kind. 

“Getting tired there, Phil? You're sweating straight through that shirt.”

“I'm not tired. And I don't sweat, I--”

“You glisten, I know.”

She pulled out some of her ‘ninja-know-how’ and eventually had him pinned down on his back. He let his head fall back onto the matt to let him know she won. 

“Alright. You win.”

She got off of him and helped him sit up next to her on the matts. 

“You lasted a lot longer.”

“Did I? Couldn't tell.”, he said wiping off his wet forehead with a towel. “You've got some new   
moves there, yourself. Been practicing?”

“Well, there's not much else to do when you’re not here.”

“I know.”, he leaned over and put his hand over hers. 

“These weeks apart are getting annoying.”, she said staring at their hands. “You think it's time we   
take a step back? Like you said when I first went back into the field after Mellie was born?”

“You mean retire?”, she shrugged. He sat back and thought about it for a second. When he gathered his thoughts he looked back at May, who was waiting for a response. “I uhh… didn't think you would want that… yet.”

“You disagree.”

“No. No. I don't actually. I've thought about it a lot recently.”, he was having trouble getting his words out. “But you know… It's SHIELD.”

Leaving was a sensitive topic. They both knew the countless benefits of leaving. It was safer and they'd get to see more of each other. But he was right-- it was SHIELD. SHIELD is where they met. They built their friendship going on missions together. After it fell, they were the ones who built it back up. SHIELD was the other big part of their life. 

“It's just a thought, ok? No need to make an immediate decision.”, she leaned over and kissed his cheek to get his mind off of it for a second. “You know it's Mellie's fourth birthday next month.”  
She got up and started packing up her gym bag. 

“Fourth? As in four years? That can't be right.”,he said still sitting tired on the matts. 

“Believe it, Phil. She's growing up.”

“Before we know it she's gonna be dating.”

She laughed out loud.   
“I can just imagine you opening up the door to some kid.”, she stiffened up her back and tightened her imaginary tie. “‘I'm Phil Coulson.’”, she said in a deep impersonation voice, “Hurt my daughter and I'll taze you while I binge watch Game of Thrones.”

He just looked at her. 10% insulted and 90% turned on.

“I don't think that kid would be very intimidated if I sounded anything like that.”, she punched him on the shoulder. 

“The director gave us and the rest of the team that week off, though.”

He got up and they started to make their way to their room. 

“Really? The entire team? I didn't think he would be so nice.” 

“Well I did bring Mellie when I asked him. That face can do wonders.”

“Using our daughter’s cuteness to get vacation time. Smart.”, he took the gym bag from her and   
put his arm around her shoulders as they walked through the hall. “So anything in mind for the team’s week off?”

“Daisy's got that covered, actually. Says it's a surprise.”

“Well if it's anything like where she sent us on our wedding night, then I’d say we are in good hands.”

She stopped and turned to face him when they reached their room. 

“Oh, you liked that did you?”

“Of course I did. May, it was the freaking Bellagio in Las Vegas. She got us a room with a killer view, remember?”

“Oh yeah, I remember.”, May took a look around the hall to make sure there was no one else before moving in closer. “And that wasn't even the best part. Remember the sex?”

“Well considering we had a baby nine months later-- I’d say yes. I remember it very well.”

To Coulson's surprise, May pulled him down by the neck of his shirt and kissed him. All the blood immediately left his head and the only thing on his mind was her. She pulled away to say something, but he kept going at her ear and shoulder. 

“You need a shower.”, she managed to get out. 

Taking breaks between his words for his lips to return to her body, he said, “I know… you're… coming… with… me.”

Getting back to her lips, they stumbled into their bunk and closed the door behind them. 

After a couple hours of going at it, Coulson and May fell asleep in each other's embrace. Although, not for long. 

Coulson woke up to see May tip-toeing around the bunk putting on her clothes. 

“Sneaking out?”

She grabbed her mission suit out of the closet. He noticed and knew what that meant. 

“Sorry. I didn't want to wake you.”

“What? You're going out?”

May zipped up her suit and grabbed her boots. 

“Yah. Just got orders.”

“Dammit, Mace. This was our week off. Alone. Together.”

“He says it's only tonight. And he'll give us three extra days.”

She zipped up her boots and sat on the bed in front of him. 

“Orders suck. When you get back we’re talking about stepping back.”, she turned her head and   
pressed her lips together. “May. I'm serious.”

“I know. We will, ok?”

“Ok.”

May leaned in for a kiss and left. When he saw her go through the door, Coulson plopped onto his   
back and covered his face. 

“Phil.”, he shot back up at the sound of her voice. 

“Yeah? Mission cancelled?”, he said with hope. 

“No.”, his shoulders dropped, “Mellie gets off in half an hour. Pick her up?”

“You got it.”

“Great. I love you.”

“Love you too.”

She blew him a kiss and left. 

 

Coulson picked up Mellie from school and they had dinner. She seemed pretty tired. The poor girl was out before her dad could even put her into her pajamas. 

He put the sleeping girl into her bed and went to his own. As he was about to turn in himself, the phone rang. 

“May?”

“Phil.”

“What is it? Is everything alright?”

“I uhh… I don't know.”, he could tell she was trying to keep her voice low. “My entire team’s either dead or too hurt to fight. Daisy and I are trying to fight this thing off. It's pretty strong.”

His heart just about stopped. What was she saying?

“May, listen to me. You two are the strongest agents I have ever met. But if it gets to be too much, you need to get out. That war can be won another day.”, she didn't respond. All he could hear was her heavy breathing. “Melinda.”

“I hear you, Phil. We’ll get out.”

“Ok. I love you.”

“I love you, too. Kiss Mellie goodnight for me. I love you.”

She hung up, leaving him not knowing what to do with himself. Sleeping wasn't an option and it was too late to do anything else. So he stared at the wall, for hours, thinking about the possibilities.

After every terrible thought he would finish it with, Oh that couldn't happen. She's gonna be fine. But the thoughts kept coming, his mind was racing. There was a knot in his stomach that wouldn't go away, no matter how many times he tried to reassure himself. 

He watched Mellie who was peacefully sleeping. Which was fine, at least he knew she was safe. 

Eventually, the thoughts became too much. He had to talk to her. But just as he was about to   
reach for the phone, it rang. 

He picked up the phone and answered it before it had time to ring a second time. 

“Hello?”, he asked frantically. 

“Coulson, it's me Daisy.”, her voice was unnaturally steady. “Don't ask, I’ll fill you in when you get   
here. But you need to come to the Zephyr right now. We just landed.” 

“What? Why? Dai--”

“Just get here, Coulson. Fast.”  
Without a second thought he left the room and headed for the hangar, bringing only his badge. Mellie would be ok, she was sleeping. If she woke up she would either stay in the room or head to one of her aunt’s and uncle’s.

He ran down the long hallway and didn't slow down when he came to the yellow doors. As soon as he could fit through them he ran into the hangar. There were agents everywhere, walking in all different directions. He didn't know what to do, standing in the middle of all the chaos. 

“Coulson.”

He turned around to find Daisy standing there with blood and tears all over her. 

“Oh my--”

“We uh… we stopped it. Or at least we thought we did.”, she was on the verge of tears. “It came   
out of nowhere I couldn't-- I tried to…”

“Where is she.”

“She's in the med pod. Getting treated. But umm…”, she looked down at her hands and her suit that were both covered in blood. “It's pretty bad.”

He rushed into the Zephyr not caring if he pushed anyone down on his way. Daisy followed close behind unable to control the tears streaming down her face. 

He caught a glimpse of her through the window. Equipment and doctors all around her. Her shirt was torn open and the wound was out and visible. A slice in the middle of her stomach. 

Daisy kept an eye on Coulson as he saw her for the first time. He tried to go in but she held him back. 

“Coulson, it's no use, ok? The doctors need to do their job.”

With his hands on the window, he turned around to her. She'd never seen him this afraid before.   
Scared wasn't a look many people ever saw on Coulson. His eyes had were wide with tears, his   
eyebrows were crinkled, and his mouth looked like he was trying to get out the word, ‘what’. 

He was stuck in that position for a while. They both were. But soon Daisy lowered his hands from the window and brought him into a hug. For the first time since the memory machine, she heard him cry. The small whimpers as he breathed went straight into her ear. She herself hadn't cried like that since Lincoln went up in that quinjet. 

The other agents in the room vacated to give them some space. It was quite unsettling to see the strongest, most well known agents SHIELD had to offer, loose it. 

The amount of time they were locked in that embrace was irrelevant. It must have been a while because by the time they both calmed down a bit and pulled away, a doctor came out of the room. 

“Agent Coulson?”

Coulson stiffened up and wiped off his face. 

“Tell me.”

“She was impaled pretty bad, but she's still alive. There's a treatment that Agent Simmons has   
been working on. It hasn't been tested enough, but from what we’re seeing so far with Agent May   
it seems to be working. However, there's no saying how long it will work.”

Coulson’s face was expressionless. The doctor didn't say she was gonna make it out. He didn't say that it was all gonna be ok. That's what he really needed to hear. 

The doctors cleared the room and Coulson and Daisy sat on both sides of the bed. As much as Daisy wanted to be with her SO, she knew Coulson needed some time alone with her. 

“I'm gonna go wash off and uh… go check on Mellie.”, she said standing up. He didn't respond.   
He just kept his eyes on May. 

As Daisy was about to reach the door, Coulson turned his head and spoke.

“Daisy.”, she stopped and turned around. “Thank you.”

She pursed her lips and nodded her head before exiting. 

Coulson knew enough to know that any stat or vital on May’s monitor wasn't good. For a person   
who was fully impaled, May's vitals were better than expected because of Simmons’ treatment. But it just wasn't going to be enough. 

He stayed by her side holding on to her hand tight, rubbing circles on the back of it with his thumb. His other hand supported the weight of his head that was staring at the ground. He shook his foot to the beat of the heart monitor unintentionally. The second that beat changed, he noticed.

“Phil.”, May breathed with her eyes still partially closed. 

“May. May, yeah it's me. I’m here.”

She wasn't normal. May was weak. She couldn't move. She used all of her strength to turn her head to Coulson. 

Soon after the doors opened and Daisy came in. 

“She's awake.”, Coulson whispered. 

“Oh. Should I-- You two probably what your space.”

“Stay.”, May said. 

Daisy looked over to Coulson who nodded in agreement. She walked over and took a seat next to him. 

“It's bad isn't it?”, May asked. 

Daisy and Coulson looked at each other as both of their hearts broke at her obliviousness. 

“Yeah, May.”, Daisy answered. “He um, he got you. I'm sorry. It's my fault. I should have--”

“Don't. We’ve talked about this before. It's not your fault. Do you understand?”

Daisy nodded and May turned her attention to Coulson. 

“Hey.”

“Hey.”, May tightened her grip on his hand. “Is it too late to turn in our resignation papers?”

With sad eyes and a slight grin he shook his head. They spoke through their eyes for a while.   
Every thought was reciprocated. 

“I don't know what I’m gonna do, May. Mellie and I-- the team-- we all need you.”

“Yeah, you do.”, Coulson and Daisy let out a little laugh despite the tears in their eyes. “But you guys are the strongest group of people anyone has ever met.”, she squeezed his hand a bit harder. “And as for Mellie, she’ll be alright. She's got Daisy and Simmons. And Phil, you're the best dad I could ask for my daughter.”

May looked over at Daisy. Daisy nodded to let her know she would be there for Mellie. 

Coulson brought her hand to his lips. 

“She's not gonna forget you. I won't let her.”

May broke down. The cavalry couldn't take it anymore. The second she did, Coulson did. 

“I'm scared, Phil.”

“No. No. No. Don't be. Let me take care of that.”, he stoked the top of her head. “And you've been   
there before remember? Nothing to be afraid of.”

“I wasn't afraid because I saw you.”

“And you'll see me again. We’ll always be together, May. In one way or another.”  
May flinched at the pain coming from her wound causing her to cough. Daisy walked over to her and stroked up and down her arm. There was nothing to do and little time left.

May looked at Daisy and then over to Coulson. 

“Remember when we first kidnapped her from her van?”, May said with a weak voice, “A lots changed since then.”

“For the better, I think.”, Coulson responded. 

“I have earthquake powers, Fitz and Simmons are a thing, you two have a kid-- who saw that coming from the beginning?”

They laughed until May flinched again. The life was fading from her eyes. Coulson stood up and kissed her forehead. 

“I should have got out when I could.”  
“Always doing the brave thing. Always looking out for us. That's what you do. You wouldn't be Melinda May if you didn't. One of the thousands of reasons I love you.”

Her eyelids became heavier and her body was starting to relax. Her head rested more on his hand under her cheek. Words were trying to come out, but she was too weak. She was trying to hang on, it was obvious. But it hurt her more. 

“Mellie.”

It was all she could get out. He knew what she was trying to say. 

“I know, May. You love her. She loves you too. She always will. Don’t worry about her. I’ll protect her with my life.”

He held her hand. Her grip got so hard it shook. 

“Hey, it's ok.”, he whispered. “I love you, ok? But you don’t have to suffer anymore. You can let go now, Melinda. Let go.”

May’s eyes trembled as they tried to hang on a second longer to take in his face one last time. 

Finally, he felt her hand relax, saw her eyes close, and heard her final breath. She was gone. In   
the most peaceful way possible, she died. 

Heartbroken on her own, Daisy looked over at Coulson who let on a calm exterior. He slowly bent down, closed his eyes, and dropped a kiss on her cooling head. With watery but not leaking eyes he backed out of the room, heading out of the Zephyr and into the base with Daisy behind him. 

He didn't realize it was morning already. Agents were slowly starting to fill the halls he walked down. He passed the lab. Fitz and Simmons had just gotten there. The two walked up to say good morning but were stopped when they made eye contact with an emotional Daisy. 

Daisy stopped to break the news while Coulson headed further into the hall. He could faintly hear the sounds of their grief in the background.

He kept walking. Mindlessly. Without thinking. Eventually he found himself in front of his bunk. He hesitated before entering. The last time he had been in there felt like so long ago. But when he entered, nothing had changed. His blanket and pillows were still in the same position, the TV was still on the same channel with no sound, and his daughter still laid asleep. 

He himself had woken up to the news of his parent’s passing before. That memory is forever apart of him. He never thought he and his daughter would share something like that. 

Mellie slowly started to stir under the covers. Coulson looked over at the clock and realized it was exactly 6:30. That alarm clock they bought her was a complete waste.

Her eyes squinted opened and saw his figure in the dim lighting. 

“Daddy?”, she said rubbing her eyes. 

He sat at the end of her bed and she crawled over into his arms and onto his lap. 

Using the remote on his hand he turned on the light so he could see her face. Some of Mellie’s features were from him; like the light brown hair. But all he could see in her at that moment was what she got from her mother. The nose, the skin, the eyes-- those beautiful eyes. 

He didn’t notice that when he was examining her, she was doing the same to him. 

“Your eyes look weird, Daddy.”

They must have been red or watery enough for her to notice. 

“They do?”, he said wiping over his entire face with his hand and brought her in for a kiss on the forehead like he does every morning when he’s home. “How’d you sleep?” His voice was unexpectedly horse. The best thing for him at that moment was to pretend like there was nothing wrong-- for Mellie. He wanted one more moment where at least one of them thought everything was normal.

“Good.”, she said with the side of her head resting against his chest. 

“Good. Good. That’s great, little one.”

“I had a dream.”

“You did? Was it scary?”

“No, I wasn’t scared. You and Mommy were there.”

He paused for a second. He could feel the tears slowly coming back.

“Oh, really? Where were we?”

“In the air.”

“On a quinjet?”

“Yeah. Expect at first it was just you and me.”

“But I can’t fly a quinjet.”

“Yeah that’s why we were falling.”

“We were falling? That sounds scary to me.”

“It was. But then it wasn’t. Because out of nowhere Mommy was in the cockpit and she brought us home.”

“Then what?”

“Then she gave us a hug and went up into the Zephyr. The end.”

He zoned out again. That dream was so heavy with deeper meaning. His mind went back to   
racing.

They never really talked to Mellie about death before. She was still really young. There was only one other time the topic had come up.

“Mellie there's something we need to talk about.”

He turned her to face him still sitting on his lap.

“Do you remember when Mommy and I told you about Lincoln and Trip? At the Wall of Valor?”

“Yeah.”

“What do you remember?”

“You said that they were brave. And that they gave their lives to save the people they love.”

He drew in a sharp breath.

“That’s right, they did.”, he broke eye contact with her afraid he was going to loose it mid sentence. “And umm.... Last night, Mommy did the same thing.”

He finally looked up to see her reaction but she had none. She was still trying to figure out what he was saying. She finally looked up at him.

“So… Mommy’s gone?”

“Yeah. Yeah, Mellie. Mommy’s gone.”

Mellie looked away again, she went back to thinking. She wasn’t talking, and since she was so   
much like her mom he knew that that meant there was a lot on her mind.

“Talk to me, honey.”

She slowly brought her eyes up to meet his. Her eyebrows were slightly scrunched.

“If Mommy’s gone, and she’s brave like the people on the Wall-- then why are you crying?”

Dammit. He was crying. There were tears streaming down his face. He just didn’t realize it.

“I’m crying because I’m sad. I’m sad because this means we aren’t going to see her anymore.”

“Mommy gave up her life, for us-- right?”

“Right.”

“Because she was brave. Now she goes on the Wall and she’ll be remembered forever.”

His mind went back to that day he told Daisy, then Skye, that first clue about her past. He was sure what he told her would break her, that it would destroy a piece of her. But it didn’t. Skye was able to repair that piece, she was able to find the silver lining. And right now Mellie was doing the same thing. 

She was what he needed. Because while he was over there on his own, thinking every sad, horrible thing that comes out of this, Mellie focused and reminded him that there was still a bright side. 

One day Mellie would discover the down sides to losing her mother, that’s for sure. But that’s the future’s problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thanks for reading this fic! Pls send possible prompts for an upcoming chapter. It would be much appreciated. THX

**Author's Note:**

> Questions, comments, and suggestions are encouraged! Thanks for reading:)


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